The Big Fat Indian Wedding

The Big Fat Indian Wedding....

Its the 17th today. The wedding is on the 24th. We are exactly one week away.

The festivities start today. The biggest festival in anyone's life, their wedding.

What started off as a small wedding-reception combined has turned into a 5 event extravaganza, involving a lot of food, people, travel, clothes, jewellery, etc.

What started off as a simple wedding has turned into The Big Fat Indian Wedding.

I'm excited. So is everyone.

I'm happy. So is everyone.

I'm very happy to be a part of this. Very happy to be counting hours and schedules. Day-to-day schedule of what we will be doing this time next week. It started in my head a long time ago.

Its my wedding.

The Big Fat Indian Wedding.

With You By My Side

I just realised....

This Cold winter in Pune, I won't feel cold. I won't need a blanket. Because I'll have you by my side. I'll have all the warmth in my heart with you by my side...

It'll be lovely. Peaceful. Warm. Cozy. Beautiful.

With you by my side....

Dilemma...

When you have a problem, do you share it with someone who already has a lot of problems?

When you have a sorrow, do you share it with someone who already has a lot of sorrows?

When you are in pain, do you express it to someone who already is in a lot of pains?

When you don't feel well, do you share it with someone who already isn't feeling well?

What do you do at such times?
How do you share without feeling guilty?
Are you at fault to feel guilty?

Dilemma...

Five Years Have Gone...

Five years have gone...

So much time has gone...

Things have changed...

Lives have changed...

Five years have gone,

Why do I still feel let down?


I've tried and tried...

I've hated you, abused you, cursed you...

I've seen you move on...

I've moved on...

I'm in a happier place,

Five years have gone,

Why do I still feel Let Down?


You abused, you fought...

You tried to make up...

You again abused, you again fought...

You again tried to make up...

I chose to forgive, I chose to forget,

I've now realised, I can neither forgive nor forget...

Five years have gone,

Why do I still feel let down?


You cheated,

You broke your promise,

You couldn't keep your commitment,

You broke relations,

You ruined memories,

You made memories painful,

You broke my trust,

You ruined the meaning of friendship,

You never cared...

Five years have gone,

That's why I feel let down...


Five Years Have Gone...

I know...

You know what’s going on with you when all you think of is one thing…

 

You know what’s wrong with you when all you hear is one thing…

 

You know what’s happening to you when all you can think of is running…

 

You know what’s happening when all you think of is getting away from everyone you know…

 

You know what you wanna do, when anyone talks to you or says anything to you…

 

You know what’s on your mind all the time when you are busy doing something you don’t want to do…

 

You know what’s wrong when you only have quitting feelings….

 

You know what’s going to happen when you lose your self-confidence…

 

You know what’s wrong with you when you don’t know if you will be able to survive anymore…

 

You know you are going into Depression!

 

I know…

Optimist to Pessimist

I used to think I'm an Optimistic person.

But, lately all I feel is negative. All I feel and believe is things won't happen.

Gone is the confidence I had, that whatever happens, things will work. Whatever happens, we will go ahead and complete things and manage.

Now, I don't think we'll even manage.

I knew the pressure was gonna be high. Life without pressure is no life at all.

But, I didn't think I won't have the confidence to face the pressure. That's cause I was an Optimist.

Now, things have started looking different.

I don't believe in myself anymore. That's the worst thing to happen.

I don't know how to change this. I don't like being like this.

This is not Me.

Optimist to Pessimist!

I'm Losing...

I feel I'm Losing...

I feel I'm losing at everything.

I've lost at relationships.

I've lost friends.

I've lost a career.

I've lost my self-esteem.

I've lost my confidence of doing anything.

I've slowly started feeling I'm losing my dreams....

I've started dreaming smaller.

I've changed the way I've started looking at things.

I'm slowly getting into a shell.

I feel I'm going into depression.

I want to fall sick. I don't wanna feel good anymore.

I don't feel like being happy anymore.

I don't know what's happening to me.

I've lowered my own expectations of myself.

I've lost my motivation to do anything.

I've lost patience.

I've lost the passion.

I'm afraid I'll lose the love of my life because of this one day...

I'm Losing...I'm Losing...I'm Losing...

A Bloody Listener!!!

I'm so sick and tired. So sick and tired of listening.

Tired of listening to everyone around. Tired of listening to me!

Feel like my head is about to explode.

Keeping everything within me, keeping everything in my mind, keeping things in my heart....is killing me. Slowly but surely.

At times I feel like just shutting everything out!

Shutting everything and everyone. I'm tired of feeling thinking like this is wrong. I'm tired of listening to myself and my conscience.

I want to go crazy. I want to become an attention seeker.

I'm tired of being quiet. If I don't stop being quiet, I'm afraid I'll end up being quiet forever.

I feel like just giving up at times. But something keeps me going. Maybe its the hope that things will improve in future. Maybe its the hope to make things happen. Maybe its to be with someone I love and make my life a much happier one.

But I'm so tired of listening....I don't know what to do. I keep telling myself I will talk. But I don't. I just don't. Because.....

All I am is A Bloody Listener!!!

A Bloody Listener...

I am a Mystery Shopper

I've started doing Mystery Shops these days....

Always wanted to do something like that right from my JW Days.

Its fun...its fun to criticise, observe everything everyone around you does minutely.

I am a Mystery Shopper....

Needs

I need you to help me move ahead.

I need you to make me live.

I need you to be there so I can love you.

I need you to have faith in me.

I need you to believe that we will survive no matter what.

I need you to feel everything will be fine, so long as we are there with each other.

I need you to be happy knowing we love each other and nothing will come between us.

I need to feel needed.

I need you.

I need you to need me.

Needs....

The Worst Things in a Relationship

1. Lack of Trust
2. No Faith
3. No Confidence
4. No Respect
5. Knowing Love isn't Enough
6. Silence
7. Living with Guilt
8. Pessimistic Attitude

All these factors are the worst that can happen in a relationship. There is nothing more stressful than dealing with these.

There is no motivation left to go ahead knowing these factors exist.

The only thing to look forward to is solving these problems.

The Worst Things in a Relationship.....

The Victim has a Victim!

I've been polite.

I've made friends.

I've confided.

I've been confided in.

I've been loved.

I haven't loved.

I've used.

I've made a mistake.

I have spoken.

I have ignored.

I have cut out.

I've spoken again.

I've cut out again.

I've been a victim.

I've been hurt.

I've made a victim.

I have hurt.

I'd sworn I won't be like him.

The Victim has a Victim!
Yet, I've gone on the same lines.

Happiness is Subjective...

I've got everything I want. I've got everything I need.

I've got people who love me. I've got people who I love.

I've got people who'd love me endlessly no matter what.

I've got everything I want. I've got everything I need.

But I'm not the happiest person in the world. Why?

Happiness is Subjective...

The Sweet Innocence of a Child!

Where did the years go by.

When did childhood end.

At an age when I was supposed to be laughing and playing and just enjoying things, I was worrying and doing things I wasn't supposed to do at my age.

I was worrying about what others would think and what I should do and shouldn't do.

Don't know where the sweet innocence went. Don't know how.

There are times when I feel, I might have been a very different person if I'd done things differently as a child.

Everything depends on how you start off.

Made me more responsible. Made me more matured and gave me more understanding of the world.

Seeing a Child laugh and seeing the Sweet Innocence in his eyes, makes me think if I did that as a child.

But I still miss....

The Sweet Innocence of a Child!

The End!

There are times in Life when things seem to be at a standstill.

You feel you're moving forward, but it feels like you're going behind. In reality, you are moving forward, because you learn a lot on the way.

But, there are still those times that you fear. Times when you know your Life is gonna End.
Nothing makes you happy anymore. Even if you get the things you've always wanted, you don't feel happy at all.

The people who you love the most, are the ones that hurt you the most.
The people you believe will never let you go, are the ones that do eventually.....

Everytime I try to close a chapter and move ahead trying to start a new chapter, it all seems to go back to the old chapters. Past is always brought up. No matter what.

The pain inside never finds a way out. The pain inside is excruciating because there's no way to express it. I don't know a way out. I'm not the smartest. I can't do things by myself. I am an introvert. Will always continue to be one. But I also always need someone who will hold me up. I may not be demanding in the basic & materialistic needs of life, but am I not allowed to be demanding emotionally?

I am deeply hurt and the wounds just won't fill till I'm with you.

And now even you show signs of leaving me.
Living in a Fear is not good. I tried hard to let go of that Fear assuring myself nothing like that is ever gonna happen. But, I see it coming back.

Story of my Life. New things don't seem to last very long. Expressing is always a problem. I can't voice my feelings very well. Why do I have to try so hard to show how I feel? Why can't it just be understood? I am sensitive. Very very sensitive. Even though I try to portray otherwise. I have a mask on always. When the mask comes off, I see deep sadness and hurt. Wounds that just never seem to heal. Scars that nobody is willing to forget. Everything comes to an End always. Always....

The End!

Go to Hell...!!!

I've confided.

I've trusted.

I've been betrayed.

I've been abused.

I've been judged.

I've been ignored.

I've tried.

I've fought.

I've struggled.

I've suffered.

I've been hurt.

I've given up.

I've tried to move on.

I've moved on.

I've stopped caring.

But, I still don't know why I'm hurting. All it means is.....

Go To Hell...!!!

Marriage Changes Your Life...

When your Best Friend gets Married, he lives Happily Ever After.

But when He gets Married, you also give your best friend away to someone else.

Marriage Changes Your Life...

But, when You get Married, you find a Best Friend in your Spouse.

Which means that this Best Friend is never going to go away to someone else.

You have a Best Friend by your side Forever.

Marriage Changes Your Life...

Losers...!!!

Dedicated to all those people that lost me!

This is a reflection of myself from myself....

I want to write and pass my feelings on to all the people that have cheated me, played with my feelings, felt I was too 'low' for them, thought I was not good, thought I was embarrassing, felt they deserved better than me and to all the Bastards who thought they were the best!

You guys don't know what you've lost out on, when you lost me as a friend.

You guys don't know what you'd miss, when you knew there was no friend who'd ever care for you so much.

You don't know what you are missing out on in Life. Because once you ditch true friendship, you'll never get in back.

You didn't realise that life turned its back against you, when you turned your back against me.

You may be happier in terms of wealth, physique, style, etc. But the mental happiness is all that matters. Nothing material will ever give that to you.

To all You Bastards
- May Life teach you the same Lessons you have taught Me.
- May Life treat you with the same amount of Respect with which You treated Me.
- May Life be the Best possible for You because I know its gonna be Hell once You Die!
- May Your Souls never Rest in Peace

Losers...!!!